*Last updated 30 April 2002

In the fall of 2000, Jean and I had an idea.

Listen for a moment and I'll try to make it clear.

It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't be quick,
but it was an idea that we could make click.

We'd buy a piece of land with tracts of wood,
a long winding drive and foliage looking good.

A crest to a field, and in back a sheer ledge.
Smack dab in the middle would be our cottage.

A tudor house of stucco and stone would do the job,
(for you layfolks and workers, that's wattle and daub).

So now it starts, we begin to dig.
Who ever thought we could dream so big.
(that is, of course, until we have a kid.)

Stop by the site if you're in the mood,
And see how it's coming, this place called HEARTHWOOD.

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So here we are in 2001.
It's hard to see how far we've come.

Maybe that's because we're in the very same spot
Stuck in red tape, tempers growing hot.

Our building plans complete, but what's the use?
Our right to build the county has refused.

Our neighbor "Our Nextdoor Neighbor" with the easement across our land,
Right with us he certainly stands.

Our Civil Engineer, a buffoon, so we did all the work
All the calling, the talking, the research he did shirk.

What he found in April, he should have in Feb,
Half his bill we did pay, though the info was on the web.

Our driveway's too low, 5 feet under the limit
In case of the 100 year flood the county wants entry and exit

No matter that it's moot and the driveway's higher than the state road,
The railroad tunnel nearby would be the first to flood.

No matter it's been there since North and South wrestled
and is laid on a rock bed-slate makes up that trestle.

No matter that building it up would destroy the flood plain,
That fragile ecosystem, not worth the effort to maintain

No matter the money, only a matter of thousands,
No matter to them-to us its our houses

No matter as long as they stick to the law
intent and meaning no matter at all

We won't build the driveway up, we're going to petition,
Jean and I protest, now it's our mission.

Because we can't sell the land-no potential buyers.
Everyone else wants something higher.

So soon we will seek legal advice
hopefully it won't be too much of a price

We've got our building plans, our drainfield's ok.
We're all ready to go, save the driveway.

We'll build our cottage soon enough
even though at present times are quite tough

In this land is our future, our hope, our childrens' birthright
So we WILL triumph and succeed in this plight.

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Cock-a-doodle-doo, it's 2002!
So many things have happened, so many things to do.

We're no longer building a tudor cottage,
rather a Geodesic Dome with no garage!

We changed civil engineers, got a new lease on life
and slipped past all the County strife (shhh!).

Pretty soon we'll clear our site, and have our house staked
And right now we're waiting for approval from Bank #1 Bank

It seems they've been burned on self-built homes
and freak when it comes to Geodesic Domes.

We'll have to explain that Oregon Dome™
erects all the domish parts of the place we'll call home.

Even contractors to whom we spoke
don't see a reason why Bank #1 should choke.

So now we're waiting; hey that's something new!
Searching for other options if Bank #1 doesn't come through.

First Union, BOA, and Wells Fargo
Who knows who the lucky party will be to whom we owe?

And in the meantime we'll focus on all the details,
cabinetry, countertops, and poplar book shelves,

The Hot tub, in house speakers, whistles and bells,
siding, drywall, we're jumping in pell nell!

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Oh good-golly gosh, it's nearly summer!
And we haven't started yet-quite the bummer.

How did we get from there to here?
Listen for a bit, lend me your ear:

First it was Bank #1, who stopped returning our calls,
making us look for a new bank, either large or small.

Then the reviewer came back,
Mr. County Hydrologist Guy;

He said we were stuck,
that we couldn't go on.

"You see," County Hydrologist Guy said, "that driveway's too low.
During a 100-year flood, there's no where to go!"

Interesting that back in January,
of the driveway topic the mention was nary.

Our Civil Engineer called him on that fact:
"If I had done that, I would have been sacked!"

Still, the man stuck to his guns,
sending us right back to square one.

So we found friends who knew people,
perhaps they could help.

On Warhurst, on Adams, on Miller and Otte!
Let's give 'em all we got, let's give 'em a scare!

'Cause time's a wastin' while we live at my 'rents'
And we're losing our marbles and our common sense!

If we don't make headway by the 1st of November,
We're gettin out of here, by thick or by thin-grrrr!